Here is a Julius Caesar script that I wrote (mostly)for last year.
Credits: Abhishek, Vijay, Rudra, Ji-Han, Tommy, Harsh for help, be it constructive or destructive
Enjoy...
CAST:
Julius Caesar (JC) the mighty
Marcus Brutus the noble Popilius
Cassius the cunning Artemidorus
Cinna Calpurnia
Trebonius the terrible Portia
Metellus Cimber Marullus
Caius Ligarius Flavius
Casca Sooth- Sayer
Decius Brutus the deceiving Harry Potter
Marcus Antonius Terminator
Lucius the servant
Act I Scene I
(Enter Marullus and Flavius and a few Citizens)
M: Hence home you jobless, idle, useless, pointless, stupid, pathetic, unimportant beings who inhabit this planet
F: One sec M:, We too are inhabitants of this planet thus you are calling me, your superior a “jobless, idle, useless, pointless, stupid, pathetic, unimportant beings who inhabit this planet”
M: No. (to citizen) What profession art thou?
Carpenter: Why sir, A carpenter
M: Where art thou, tools of the trade? ( to cobbler)
What trade art thou?
C: Sir in respect for all trades, I am in a sense a Hitman
M: Speak bad fellow
C:
M: Clearly……..
C: (Puts on a monocle) ‘pon My word sir that’s bludy brilliant. I am in fact a mender of bad soles
M: What trade art thou Speak clearly thou naughty knave
C: Please sir, don’t lose your temper
M : I still have it
C: Sir never mind, I can still mend you
M: Insolent monkey. What do you mean?
C: Cobble you as I am a cobbler
M: But why are you here?
C: To see victorious JC walk through the streets
M: What?
Act II Scene I
Brutus: Lucius, Ho! It is dark; I can’t tell what time it is. , Lucius I say!!
Lucius: (with candle) : Did you call me my lord
Brutus: No, of course not. Why would I call you ‘my Lord’?? Light a candle and that done bring it here.
Lucius: (Extinguishes the candle and relights it)
Brutus: It must be done by his death
Or then again maybe not
Actually yes
No! I couldn’t do that
(Enter Lucius)
Lucius: Sir, Here is a letter.
[Brutus reads aloud: Brutus thou sleepst, awake see thyself]
Admiring himself in the mirror when hears the doorbell
Lucius: Tis’ your brother Cassius at the door
Brutus: Is he alone?
Lucius: No sir, there are others with him, with their hats pluck’d over their ears.
Brutus: Show them in.
(Enter Conspirators hats pluck’d over ears)
Brutus and Cassius Whisper
Cassius: It must be done by his death
Brutus: Why?
Cassius: He is a tyrannical beast.
Brutus: Why?
Cassius: He is making us his slaves
Brutus: So?
Cassius: He is banning Barney on TV
Brutus: Fie! Kill the beast. But why do you need me
Cassius: So we can blame it on you..erm sorry….You see. Such a task is not easy. You see their have been many attempts in the past……………
(Enter HP into Senate)
Portia: Your days as evil tyrannical beast are over
Cassius: What? You plan to kill me?
HP: Yes! And soon all of Rome will be under my control. Expelliarmus!
(Red beam heads towards JC. He holds up a mirror. HP gets hit.)
Cassius: Now I get it.
Popilius: What?
Cassius: Why he was the boy who lived..
Scene shifts, Enter Terminator
T: Asta La Vista JC.
Shoots, JC holds up his hand and stops bullets
Return
Cassius: So that’s fixed. Let s swear an oath
Brutus: ****** Oath. Oath *******
Cassius: No. A pact.
Brutus: Oh. But let us not have an oath. Our deed is so treacherously evil that it doesn’t matter.
Decius: what about Antony
Cassius: He is a shrewd schemer. Let us dispose of him.
Brutus: How about no. Mehehehehehehehehehehe
He is a dreamer. Let him pass
Cassius: Very well
Brutus Remains. He hears a noise
Brutus: Is that you Portia?
Portia: Did you call me, Brutus my lord?
Brutus: Of course not. Why would I call you Brutus My lord? By the way, Did you see anyone?
Portia: No. Why was I not supposed to see anyone.
Brutus: No. You were not supposed to know that Cassius visited me in the middle of the night.
Portia: Come to think of it I thought I saw Cassius.
Brutus: What? How do you know it was him Have you see him even?
Portia: Of course I saw him. Many Many Many Many Many Many Many Many Many Many Many Many Many times. I know him as well as my own name.
Brutus: (slapping himself) PORTIA!
Portia: Yes that’s my name...By the ay what are you hiding from me
Brutus: Nothing
Portia: Don’t lie
Brutus: Seriously. I am not hiding the fact that we are secretly going to kill JC tomorrow.
Portia: OK. That’s seems fair enough.
Act III Scene I
Sooth- Sayer: Beware of the Ides of March
JC: What
Casca: He says beware of the 15th of March
JC: He is a dreamer, Let him Pass
Artemidorus: Hail Caesar
JC: Hail? Where
Artemidorus: Never Mind. Please o mighty JC, read this petition it touches you most
(Holds the sheet and goes touch touch)
JC: He is a Dreamer. Let him Pass
Popilius: Best of luck Macchi
Cassius: Oh no (beckons to Brutus to speak to him aside)
Aside
Brutus: What said Poppy???????
Cassius: (loudly) He wished us best of luck
Brutus: (loudly) Oh no! I fear our plot to kill the great JC, master of the universe has been discovered.
Cassius: Doesn’t that bother you
Brutus: Doesn’t this bother you……… Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother!
Cassius: Idiot. Let’s go rejoin our fellow conspirators
Cassius: (secretly) Look Trebonius knows his time. He is drawing Antony out
Brutus: So what. I can draw Antony too. (Draws a smiley face)
Cassius: Ignore him. Proceed with the plan
JC; to Metellus: [Rap]
Yo Metellus, I’m really really scared
I’m really really scared
People are trying to kill me
I thought they never dared
I used to say “he is dreamer, Let him pass”
But if I continue to say that they will toast my royal
Metellus: Oh most mighty, Royal, blue blooded, godlike, supreme deity, lord of the universe…. (Stops when Casca kicks him) Never mind that. Please hear me I present thee a humble heart……….
JC: I must stop thee Cimber. Such crying has no effect on me ‘cause I am ambitious and Brutus is an honorable man.
Brutus: I kiss thy hand, but not in love
I beg thee release Publius Cimber
Cassius: Pardon Caesar Caesar Pardon. (Kneeling)
Brutus: Pardon Pardon Caesar Caesar ……
Cassius: Idiot
JC: You are wasting your time. You see, some are born great. Some achieve Greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.
Cassius: So what’s your point?
(Reenter Antony)
JC: Nothing. Just that I am great so my decision stands as firm as Mt. Olympus
Caius Ligarius: O mighty JC
Why won’t you recall poor Metellus’s Brother
JC: My Wish
Trebonius: (kneeling) Please, Please don’t be cheap!
(JC puts his nose so high that he topples backward)
Casca: Oh well, Hands speak for me
(Caesars gonna die! Caesars gonna die!)
[All the conspirators stab JC].
[Last and definitely the least comes Brutus]
[Stabs him in the Lower Backside]
JC: Ada Thu Brute. Caesar can never die……………. {Dies}
Cinna: Tyranny, Liberty Freedom is dead
Sorry….. [Checks his script] Liberty, Freedom Tyranny is dead
(Reenter Antony screaming. Pauses next to Cassius for 3 seconds. Says “Bother” and runs out)
Copyright MMV by Antarius
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