Julius Caesar: Revisited

Here is a Julius Caesar script that I wrote (mostly)for last year.
Credits: Abhishek, Vijay, Rudra, Ji-Han, Tommy, Harsh for help, be it constructive or destructive
Enjoy...

CAST:
Julius Caesar (JC) the mighty

Marcus Brutus the noble Popilius

Cassius the cunning Artemidorus

Cinna Calpurnia

Trebonius the terrible Portia

Metellus Cimber Marullus

Caius Ligarius Flavius

Casca Sooth- Sayer

Decius Brutus the deceiving Harry Potter

Marcus Antonius Terminator

Lucius the servant

Act I Scene I

(Enter Marullus and Flavius and a few Citizens)

M: Hence home you jobless, idle, useless, pointless, stupid, pathetic, unimportant beings who inhabit this planet

F: One sec M:, We too are inhabitants of this planet thus you are calling me, your superior a “jobless, idle, useless, pointless, stupid, pathetic, unimportant beings who inhabit this planet”

M: No. (to citizen) What profession art thou?

Carpenter: Why sir, A carpenter

M: Where art thou, tools of the trade? ( to cobbler)

What trade art thou?

C: Sir in respect for all trades, I am in a sense a Hitman

M: Speak bad fellow

C:

M: Clearly……..

C: (Puts on a monocle) ‘pon My word sir that’s bludy brilliant. I am in fact a mender of bad soles

M: What trade art thou Speak clearly thou naughty knave

C: Please sir, don’t lose your temper

M : I still have it

C: Sir never mind, I can still mend you

M: Insolent monkey. What do you mean?

C: Cobble you as I am a cobbler

M: But why are you here?

C: To see victorious JC walk through the streets

M: What?

Act II Scene I

Brutus: Lucius, Ho! It is dark; I can’t tell what time it is. , Lucius I say!!

Lucius: (with candle) : Did you call me my lord

Brutus: No, of course not. Why would I call you ‘my Lord’?? Light a candle and that done bring it here.

Lucius: (Extinguishes the candle and relights it)

Brutus: It must be done by his death

Or then again maybe not

Actually yes

No! I couldn’t do that

(Enter Lucius)

Lucius: Sir, Here is a letter.

[Brutus reads aloud: Brutus thou sleepst, awake see thyself]

Admiring himself in the mirror when hears the doorbell

Lucius: Tis’ your brother Cassius at the door

Brutus: Is he alone?

Lucius: No sir, there are others with him, with their hats pluck’d over their ears.

Brutus: Show them in.

(Enter Conspirators hats pluck’d over ears)

Brutus and Cassius Whisper

Cassius: It must be done by his death

Brutus: Why?

Cassius: He is a tyrannical beast.

Brutus: Why?

Cassius: He is making us his slaves

Brutus: So?

Cassius: He is banning Barney on TV

Brutus: Fie! Kill the beast. But why do you need me

Cassius: So we can blame it on you..erm sorry….You see. Such a task is not easy. You see their have been many attempts in the past……………

(Enter HP into Senate)

Portia: Your days as evil tyrannical beast are over

Cassius: What? You plan to kill me?

HP: Yes! And soon all of Rome will be under my control. Expelliarmus!

(Red beam heads towards JC. He holds up a mirror. HP gets hit.)

Cassius: Now I get it.

Popilius: What?

Cassius: Why he was the boy who lived..

Scene shifts, Enter Terminator

T: Asta La Vista JC.

Shoots, JC holds up his hand and stops bullets

Return

Cassius: So that’s fixed. Let s swear an oath

Brutus: ****** Oath. Oath *******

Cassius: No. A pact.

Brutus: Oh. But let us not have an oath. Our deed is so treacherously evil that it doesn’t matter.

Decius: what about Antony

Cassius: He is a shrewd schemer. Let us dispose of him.

Brutus: How about no. Mehehehehehehehehehehe

He is a dreamer. Let him pass

Cassius: Very well

Exeunt

Brutus Remains. He hears a noise

Brutus: Is that you Portia?

Portia: Did you call me, Brutus my lord?

Brutus: Of course not. Why would I call you Brutus My lord? By the way, Did you see anyone?

Portia: No. Why was I not supposed to see anyone.

Brutus: No. You were not supposed to know that Cassius visited me in the middle of the night.

Portia: Come to think of it I thought I saw Cassius.

Brutus: What? How do you know it was him Have you see him even?

Portia: Of course I saw him. Many Many Many Many Many Many Many Many Many Many Many Many Many times. I know him as well as my own name.

Brutus: (slapping himself) PORTIA!

Portia: Yes that’s my name...By the ay what are you hiding from me

Brutus: Nothing

Portia: Don’t lie

Brutus: Seriously. I am not hiding the fact that we are secretly going to kill JC tomorrow.

Portia: OK. That’s seems fair enough.

Act III Scene I

Sooth- Sayer: Beware of the Ides of March

JC: What

Casca: He says beware of the 15th of March

JC: He is a dreamer, Let him Pass

Artemidorus: Hail Caesar

JC: Hail? Where

Artemidorus: Never Mind. Please o mighty JC, read this petition it touches you most

(Holds the sheet and goes touch touch)

JC: He is a Dreamer. Let him Pass

Popilius: Best of luck Macchi

Cassius: Oh no (beckons to Brutus to speak to him aside)

Aside

Brutus: What said Poppy???????

Cassius: (loudly) He wished us best of luck

Brutus: (loudly) Oh no! I fear our plot to kill the great JC, master of the universe has been discovered.

Cassius: Doesn’t that bother you

Brutus: Doesn’t this bother you……… Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother! Bother!

Cassius: Idiot. Let’s go rejoin our fellow conspirators

Cassius: (secretly) Look Trebonius knows his time. He is drawing Antony out

Brutus: So what. I can draw Antony too. (Draws a smiley face)

Cassius: Ignore him. Proceed with the plan

JC; to Metellus: [Rap]

Yo Metellus, I’m really really scared

I’m really really scared

People are trying to kill me

I thought they never dared

I used to say “he is dreamer, Let him pass”

But if I continue to say that they will toast my royal

Metellus: Oh most mighty, Royal, blue blooded, godlike, supreme deity, lord of the universe…. (Stops when Casca kicks him) Never mind that. Please hear me I present thee a humble heart……….

JC: I must stop thee Cimber. Such crying has no effect on me ‘cause I am ambitious and Brutus is an honorable man.

Brutus: I kiss thy hand, but not in love

I beg thee release Publius Cimber

Cassius: Pardon Caesar Caesar Pardon. (Kneeling)

Brutus: Pardon Pardon Caesar Caesar ……

Cassius: Idiot

JC: You are wasting your time. You see, some are born great. Some achieve Greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.

Cassius: So what’s your point?

(Reenter Antony)

JC: Nothing. Just that I am great so my decision stands as firm as Mt. Olympus

Caius Ligarius: O mighty JC

Why won’t you recall poor Metellus’s Brother

JC: My Wish

Trebonius: (kneeling) Please, Please don’t be cheap!

(JC puts his nose so high that he topples backward)

Casca: Oh well, Hands speak for me

(Caesars gonna die! Caesars gonna die!)

[All the conspirators stab JC].

[Last and definitely the least comes Brutus]

[Stabs him in the Lower Backside]

JC: Ada Thu Brute. Caesar can never die……………. {Dies}

Cinna: Tyranny, Liberty Freedom is dead

Sorry….. [Checks his script] Liberty, Freedom Tyranny is dead

(Reenter Antony screaming. Pauses next to Cassius for 3 seconds. Says “Bother” and runs out)

Copyright MMV by Antarius

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